You Can Have Style

Style, that “Indefinable” quality that sets some people apart from others. How does one get it? Knowing Yourself, Being Yourself True style comes from within. To have style is to be you. To have style, you must know who you are. The most crucial aspect of your identity is the one you tend to overlook: You are unique. There is never anyone like you. However, before you can capitalize on your uniqueness, you must have a good idea of what it is that makes you different. This may be difficult. Self-knowledge is not the easiest thing in the world to come by. To gain it, you should start by assessing your strong points (not necessarily your best points) –those elements of your personality which strongly influence your behavior. Are you, for example, in your eyes, active or passive? Optimistic or pessimistic? Gregarious or shy? Orderly or chaotic? Tall or short? Fat or thin? What is the truth about you when nobody’s looking? Find out what others see when they are looking. Most likely, they see things that will surprise you. The best way to learn what they see is to carefully observe other people’s reaction to you. A Warning though: Never ask people what they think of you. They will only tell you what they think you want to hear.

People see through Disguises Don’t cheat in your self-presentation. Don’t deceive; merely enhance the effect. Suppose that your style is somehow tied with money. Isn’t it better to pretend that you have more money than you have? No. People will see through disguises eventually. So never pretend to be what you’re not. Instead, you should embrace your limitations. This is not to say that all your shortcomings are to be paraded before the world. Rather, make needed improvements. Imitation is not Style Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it is also the surest sign of stylelessness. One author wrote, “Most people are other people: Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions.” This brings us to your appearance: Dressing with style has nothing to do with being fashionable. Indeed, fashion (or fashionableness) is the antithesis of style—whether you are following the haute couture or not. Fashion is what is followed by people who do not know who they are. Your manner of dress is a personal statement, a message to the world saying who you are. Anything worn because it’s popular only blurs your individuality. Wear what is right for you, what is expressive of your personality. Trying to be Different in Style Similarly, you should never dress merely to be different, because this too involves comparing yourself with others, identifying yourself in terms of others. The person with style never compares, competes and copies. It is very tempting to borrow too heavily from a single source—one person’s set of mannerisms, for example, or another person’s mode of dress. Don’t, or your style will be lost in mimicry. Equally tempting is to think that because something works for someone else, it will work for you. This is a delusion. If something works for you, it will be because it is the perfect expression of your personality, not because it looks good on someone else. You have to ask yourself if the change however small, really echoes something within you. If it doesn’t, it will be seen as an affection. If it does, it will be seen as what it is: A further refinement of your style. Consistency is The Rule of Style Style is not something you switch on or off depending on the circumstances or the people present. It either exist in all situations, or it does not exist at all. Why do people feel compelled to play different roles before different audiences? Because they fear that if they don’t, they won’t get the approval and love they need to sustain their self-image. The person with style neither needs nor seeks the approval of others. You are not in a popularity contest, but someone whose uniqueness makes popularity irrelevant, whose style is its own reward.

(From Doing It With Style by Quentin Crisp and Donald Carroll)